Saturday, December 4, 2010

At Long Last: The Bread Story

I had a different title for this, but then I decided to share the bread story. It made no sense to have a random title there and a couple of sentences here explaining I couldn't think of a title, so I've switched it all to reflect the fact I'm going to finally share the bread story.

There's no car chases or UFOs in this story, so don't get all stoked and whatnot.

Breakfast: Two eggs (one yolk), slice of whole-grain wheat bread, fruit smoothie (yogurt, banana), skim milk with whey protein and cinnamon.

Lunch: Salad (cup of spinach, cup of romaine mix, serving of red pepper, serving of grilled chicken, olive oil, balsamic vinegar), prunes, carrots.

Dinner: Baked tilapia, about two servings (more, probably) of steamed broccoli, mixed nuts, raisins, sharp cheddar cheese.

Snack: Dark chocolate.

And now I'll finally tell the bread story, even though I don't have dates. Many months ago, I tried this diet thing out for a few days. At that time, I bought a loaf of double-fiber whole-grain bread. I put it in the bread box. I forgot it was there.

I remembered it was there several weeks later. How many weeks, I don't know, but long enough that I was sure it was a moldy and disgusting mess that I didn't want to look at until trash day.

For several weeks, I'd forget to throw it in the trash as I got ready to head out the door with trash in hand on trash day. Finally, one night when I was getting trash ready the night before in a fit of foresight (which told me if I got it ready the night before, I'd not have to remember to get a couple of gross items out of the fridge), I remembered the bread box and the green bread I was sure to find in there. I went to get it out and throw it in the trash.

Turned out: not green bread. No mold to be found anywhere on this stupid loaf of bread. Seriously. None.

I looked all over it (opened the bag, took out the bread in the second wrapper (vacuum-wrapped? I don't know) and looked all over for any mold anywhere on the stupid thing) and couldn't find any sign that I should not eat this bread beyond the knowledge it had been purchased months before.

So I put it in the fridge next to the loaf of whole-grain wheat bread I was about to finish off.

Several days later, I opened the fridge at breakfast and realized I had run out of that loaf of bread the day before and didn't replace it (I had been considering just throwing the old loaf out without tasting it, as it made me a little nervous). So I decided to give the old bread a try.

It tasted fine. Seriously.

But then I decided I couldn't tell anyone about it until after I'd finished the loaf. If I told someone and they gave me a good reason why I shouldn't eat it, I'd have to go buy another loaf of bread, and frankly that seemed like a waste of money when ignorance would give me permission to go ahead and eat it.

You can find the date I started eating it. It's the date I started typing "double-fiber whole-grain bread" instead of "whole-grain wheat bread" for breakfast every morning. I'm almost through the loaf that replaced it when I did finally finish it off, so it's probably been about a month now that I've been hanging on to this story.

So go ahead, tell me why I shouldn't have eaten the bread. I can't go back in time and not eat it (if I could go back in time there are a kerjillion things above that on the list, seriously), so what do you expect me to do about it?

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